Sometimes I unfaithfully question God’s will and purpose for my life. Why have you brought me, an inexperienced 23 year old, to Haiti? Can I really do anything here? How can you possibly use ME? I am pretty sure God just laughs at me constantly… Laughs, in a good way of course, at my ridiculous prayers and sometimes unfaithfulness. With Haiti comes bad days, good days, bad weeks, and good weeks. Haiti is so unpredictable… You never know what your day will hold and what crazy something or other you’ll encounter. These things, issues, crazy encounters make you question your purpose. Am I really getting anything accomplished? I’ve quickly come to realize 1. It’s not about me and 2. It’s God and only Him who can accomplish anything through me.
As I boarded the plane to come back to Haiti after an awesome Christmas break, I was extremely excited. A peace rushed over me that I know and believe only God can give. That unexplainable feeling when you’re right where you’re supposed to be! To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be excited to come back, but boy was I so wrong! God knows what He’s doing in our lives. He is so confident in His will for us to be in Haiti. So, it’s time for me to be too!
With that said, Christmas break in the States showed us that we have A LOT of work to do before we come back in May. Issues that I honestly didn’t know existed until we came home… Long-rooted issues that we’ve always subconsciously struggled with and never really knew they were struggles. For example, with a lot of girls, we struggle with our looks and constantly comparing ourselves to others. Well, I guess you could say I knew I struggled with this, but all girls have this problem don’t they? So, why deal with the issue if it’s always going to be a problem? WRONG! God calls us to be free from that! We are PERFECT in His image and His view on us is ALL that matters. I can honestly say that Haiti has freed me from that! It’s not a struggle, EVER. Seriously, living here has been sooo freeing! I don’t worry about what others think; I hardly EVER put makeup on, and wear Nike shorts and a t-shirt everyday! And it’s SO nice! But you want to know that sad part about all of this… The minute I stepped off the plane in Miami I IMMEDIATELY began to compare and lust after others… The latest fashion trends, beautiful purses, perfect tailored look. It was bad… And it frustrated me so much! Unfortunately, while I was home, I didn’t go a day without putting makeup and looking my best. UGH! How quickly I fell right back into Satan’s lies! Now, don’t get me wrong… I don’t believe it’s a sin to dress nicely and wear makeup! It’s just the sin that comes with it that gets me!
With this, also came a lot more struggles in the States that we don’t deal with here… our expectations that shouldn’t be expectations, our desire to please others before our desire to please God, our inability to slow down and have quiet time, endless distractions, and the list could go on and on. The USA is a wonderful, easy, and convenient place to live… Because of all these things, it left me dependent on myself instead of God. Ughh… frustrating, frustrating, frustrating!
Russell and I are asking for you to join us in prayer for ourselves. We had a huge eye-opening experience coming home. It showed us HOW MUCH work we have to do while we are here, before we come home. We do not want to come home and conform to the “American Dream” and live a normal life. We desire to live a radical life. A life that creates disciples. A life fulfilling God’s purpose, not our own! We have A LOT of work and just ask for prayer as we began to work on ourselves. It’s funny how we came to Haiti to “help” them, when really they’ve helped and taught us more than we’ll ever know.
So thank you God. Thank you for bringing us to this amazing country. Thank you for the Salvants. Thank you for the precious children at New Hope. Thank you for your church. Thank you for our friends. Thank you for our supportive family. Thank you, thank you, thank you.